Preparation For The Storm

A couple weeks a go, a dear friend recommended that I start blogging again. My initial thought. "What blog?" ;) I guess it has been a while. I tried a few times to put out something "postable" but I couldn't do it. I was too in the "middle" of a mess. I could have given you my perspective from there, but you wouldn't have walked away encouraged in any way. I have been laying low purposely lately for that reason.

But...I am on the other side now! Praise Jesus! (And I say that from the depths of my soul and not in a religious fashion). I give God glory and honor for the great things He has done. A weapon that was fashioned, crafted and tailor-made against me and my family, did not prosper. God's Word prevailed, both the written and spoken word. We did not shipwreck just like He said.

On February 24th, I woke up to a very strong word from the Lord. I felt that He told me to submit. So I thought..."Ok, Lord, I will submit to my husband (John)." "No, I want to you to submit to ME! Submit yourself to the Lord, resist the devil, and expect him to flee." Never in my times with the Lord before had I ever felt/heard his voice so clear and so assertively. I immediately kneeled on the side of my bed and reaffirmed my place. "What was the last thing I told you?" (God had recently spoken to me..."Peace Be still") So I quickly looked up Mark 4 (same story can also be found in Luke 8:22-25 and Matthew 8:23-27).

One day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.” 36 Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. 37 And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. 38 But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing? 39 Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. 40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”[a] 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!

I did some study on it and I felt God ministering to me so much and so deeply from it.

1) Jesus invites them to come to the other side, the destination. To come on the boat, the vehicle. It's not just a boat ride itself but it has a purpose, take you where you need to be. The other side.

2) Storms arise even in the natural when hot air and cold air collide. When the hot air from the lifeless desert collides with the cool air from the lake filled with life and movement ...it will cause a conflict and create a tension...a storm. I wonder if the winds of the storm helped push them to the other side?

3)Jesus was in the stern resting while others on deck were panicking. Why? Jesus understood His purpose and destiny and dying in at sea was not it, so He had no fear. When you are unshaken in your calling, you can rest in the storm. When you aren't sure of your purpose and you are viewing the storm, you will be overcome with fear.

4)When the disciples came to the end of themselves, they woke Jesus. They viewed His trust and ability to rest as not caring and they saw their concern as more profitable. So, they awoke Him from his rest.

5)Jesus rebuking the storm was two fold. "Peace, be still", literally translated..."Hush...and muzzle your mouth". Interesting to note that He could have been saying peace to the disciples hearts and then harshly commanding the storm to cease.

6)The disciples gained a greater revelation of who Jesus when He calms the storm of both their hearts and their circumstances.

I wrote out it out in my journal and with the time and date. I felt that God had invited us out to the boat and He told me to come rest with Him in the stern. He told me not to get fearful of the storm that was coming, but to be certain of my purpose and that being shipwrecked was not it. "I did not ask you out here to shipwreck you but to take you to the other side." This was so clear to my heart.

I felt led for the remainder of that afternoon to cancel all plans, to not even do the sink full of dishes or bring in the laundry that was drying outside. I laid there on my couch with my head on a pillow with the worship music on because I was obeying that word. I was practicing resting at peace with Jesus in the stern of the ship. It was a good thing too.

I left the house that afternoon to pick Brayden up from school at 4pm. On the way home, we stopped at 7 11. I was pulling out when the accident happened....(many more posts to come)

Like a Flood

Our city is experiencing some major flooding. Well, all over Thailand actually. As of now, over fifty-six of the seventy-six provinces in Thailand have been affected by rising waters. There has been much devastation of homes, loss of crops, and loss of life.

The most proactive thing someone can do is sandbag the home, move major appliances to dry ground, and then go somewhere dry. It's quite sad to watch and wait as it continues to rain. And next weeks forecast offers no comfort when it only calls for more storms. (our village is dry, so far, no need for worry)

With the word "flood" being used so much right now, it has reminded me of this scripture.

"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him." Isaiah 59:19

I remember being taught that the original Hebrew language was written without punctuation and that it was put in at the time of translation. So the comma that was placed after the word "flood" could be switched and placed after the word "in". This would cause it to read like this...

"When the enemy comes in,...like a flood the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him." Isaiah 59:19

After seeing the power and destruction of flood waters, I would like to attribute that kind of strength to the Spirit of the Lord. If the enemy can come in like a flood, it allows us to be in fear and left with a sense of helplessness. That's not a place of comfort, peace or victory. But I must say, though, there are times of weakness in unusual circumstances that my placement of comma switches.

Because we may never know for sure this side of heaven where the comma belongs in that passage, I guess we will have to determine for ourselves where our faith allows us to put it. I just find it fascinating that the place where we choose to pause can change a meaning so much.

So, Where do you put your comma? Does your comma move? Does God change his punctuation in different situations?

Jacq Talked Thai Real Well

When we first arrived in Thailand, I had this friendly litte competition with John on our language learning. Well, it didn't take long before he blew right past me. He was learning, studying, and getting out and about more, going to villages and using his Thai. And I, umm,...I was hanging out laundry, hand washing dishes and homeshooling. I quickly saw why missionary wives found it more challenging to get the language. There just is not enough hours in the day.

Anytime I think about learning more Thai, I get intimidated. I see it as this huge mountain peek that I am attempting to climb. I just keep looking up to see all that I don't know. And hearing my husband rattle it off doesn't really help either.

Recently, I have encountered a few situations outside of the norm. I went on a search to find raw milk for Aslan. I played "follow that cow" until I found a farmer that would sell me some. I had workers in my house to fix severe water damage in the kitchen. It took a whole four weeks before it was completely completed. (Sure don't miss washing dishes outside.) Then my washer broke and I had to find someone to look at it and then had to find somewhere to get the clothes washed during our washer-less week.

What I realized was...I spoke Thai to resolve all these situations! And many of the conversations were on the phone! So while I usually keep myself discouraged seeing the percentage of Thai I still don't know, I haven't been looking back to see the amount of ground that I have already covered. Yay for progress!

I think I might just finally change my information on Facebook to say that I speak both English and Thai!

All this talk about Jacq speaking Thai reminded me of a scene from Meet the Parents...

Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.


:)

Prayer Walk

I have been feeling led to turn up the heat on prayer in my life. The time, the focus, the devotion, etc. So, when the message at church was on prayer this past Sunday, it was pretty confirming.

I have been stretching myself (my flesh and my muscles) to start my day a little earlier and go for a prayer walk. I take along my papers of all my friends requests. I had an overwhelming response when I asked people to send in their prayer needs. Pretty amazed by it, actually.

It's only been a few days, but here are just a few things that I have noticed.

* It's hard to wake up when it's dark. I really like sleep.

* There is a whole new world of people up and about at that time. People walking, running, walking dogs, hanging out their first load of laundry, people giving offerings to the passing monks, and my favorite...a dozen or so senior citizens doing Thai Chi in the park. I miss all this when I sleep in full daylight.

* Some people carry very heavy burdens. Life or death, heaven or hell kind of burdens. They get tired in the fight and when someone asks to pray and believe with them, they appreciate it...greatly!

* I am amazed at how open and vulnerable people can be with their requests, not based on the closeness of your relationship but based of the distance you are from their circle of friends. It gives me more trust in their eyes. It's not like I can go airing it all out...I'm in Thailand. I don't mind being that "removed" someone... I like it, actually. Glad I can help.

* All my own prayer needs that would have taken precedence have fallen way down on the list when I focus on others people very real,and sometimes urgent needs. It gives me some perspective and instead of feeling my lack, I switch to feeling more thankful.

* When you pray for other people and share their burden, it really lightens their load. And when God answers for them, you don't just watch them in their victory, you are a part of it. I love that.

* I feel closer to people when I pray for them. That helps me since I am physically not close to many of the people I love.

* Praying for other people can make you heavy-hearted if you hear and feel their burden but don't surrender that care and literally "give it" to God and believe that He did hear it and He is moving into action.

* Knowing and praying through other people's burdens brings awareness of your inadequacy to be God and brings more revelation of God's amazing capacity to bear each one of our heart cries, not to mention His all powerful ability to respond to them.

* Praying is work, ya know? It takes effort and time and focus. It accomplishes something. But...I am not saying that this work is bad! :)

* When you wake up and choose to put people on your heart to bring them to God, they stay on your heart all day long. It reminds me of a Smith Wigglesworth's quote, "I never pray more than twenty minutes but I never go more than twenty minutes without praying." I can totally see how you can live in a lifestyle of prayer, but it has to be on purpose. Something that valuable and that contested would not likely "just happen."

So, that's what God has been showing me so far. If you haven't already, email or facebook me any of your requests. I will share your burden and believe God with you. Expecting great things from our Great God!

I Want This!

I am fully aware that I am completely unaware of all that I am asking, but I want Luke 5 in my life and ministry.

With travel and then a tropical storm, we have missed church two weeks in a row. So, we have had "church" at home. It's simple church style, and really fun.

Our little family, we sit on the floor with our Bibles and open to a passage and discover it together. We share what has been stressing us out, share if we have any needs, and then we pray together. It's been quite eye opening to hear Brayden point out things from the passage that I didn't realize he knew or understood. Sometimes he even shows me a thing or too. I like that.

One of our last passages was from the first part of Luke 5. As a missionary, there is so much I see those verses, that bless me and encourage me. We are grabbing ahold of them and not letting go!

*I want Jesus to come sit in our boat!

*I want Him to take us back out to where we just were and TEACH us!

*I want Him to say the word, and I want to obey it despite my natural thinking!

*I want a catch that we can't contain!

*I want to have partners that I can have come help.

*I want Jesus to sink our boats with the weight of the catch. (and I am fully aware that I am completely unaware of what I am asking!)

* I want to be overwhelmed and astonished and see the great difference in who He is and who I am!

*I want to be a fisher of men with a catch bigger than our own ability. A catch that is worthy of the name of Jesus, one that brings Him glory...and we need Him to do it.

Thank you for praying for us and supporting us. Any and every gift is big. Every prayer, short and sweet or long and deep, is heard by God. We can only present Jesus a gift that is worthy of His suffering if we do it together. We appreciate your love and encouragement oh so very much.

Officially Outdated!

Years ago, when we were wanting to be missionaries, I would look at a missionary wives and wonder what life was like.

Well, God bless the missionary wives. They were always so beautiful to me. Simple. Pure. Bright eyed. I felt like they knew some secret I didn't, and now I know it's true. But there was something about them (generally speaking) that also kind of, scared me maybe. (Ok, major vain point coming up)

For the most part, they looked worn out and run down. (And not just spiritually, because I know how that is. And a nice visit to the states where everyone celebrates you is very refreshing.) But I mean, in their physical appearance. Many of them came to services dressed in baggy washed out mom jeans wearing an over-sized t-shirt with some logo on it, which probably belonged to her husband. Usually, she was without makeup and her hair was not styled with any purpose.

Although, her lifestyle was beautiful to me, her appearance was quite outdated and that's what scared me. It just seemed like she was last one to get anything new. And it had probably been so long since she did, that she wouldn't even know what to do with options. I guess when there is extra money that is able to be spent, it would go to something super practical, like school supplies, travel costs or filling the gas tank!

Well, I guess you could call me the vain sort since I was scared by this. I knew I was going to be a missionary but I didn't really want that appearance to be my fate too. See, I know myself too well. If I look junky (for long stretches of time), I will feel junky too and then soon enough everyone around me will start feel junky as well. Besides, I like wearing makeup. I like when my nails are freshly done or my eye brows freshly waxed. I like something new every once in a while. It really picks up my spirits and makes me feel pretty.

But even still, I have never been the super trendy type either. Honestly, I am just too cheap for that. I am the self-proclaimed walmart shopper. And if I were a millionaire, it would probably still be my favorite store. But there are no Walmarts here.

But since many of the clothes here don't fit us,(we are the fat foreigner LOL),what we do have must last us for years. And I promise you....some of the things we have had for years. Many years. We both generally stick with some variation of denim and black for our wardrobes(kind of funny and kind of pathetic actually). But it always works, especially for traveling. Besides, it's pretty safe. Don't see denim or black being fashion no-no's anytime soon. :)

So, after I have feared being outdated and made attempts to NOT be outdated,...guess what just happened recently?

I asked my mom to send me my favorite lipstick color from America, thinking it would be small enough to send in an envelope. She is always looking for something nice she can do for me. I always seem to have trouble finding lipsticks here because everything is suited to Asian skin coloring and I am not. Having another tube of this color was going to answer to a very minor problem.

So, later my mom got back with me and told me that...they no longer carry my favorite lipstick shade! The one I have liked for about 4 years! It's been discontinued!

So, it's official now, I am definitely outdated! LOL!

(You are probably laughing to yourself thinking, "Girl, it's been official, you are just officially realizing that you are outdated!" And in that case, I laugh with you! :)

I just think it's kind of ironic how I became what I tried not to become. Mai ben lai, it's all vanity anyway, right?

Now, I know my girlfriends well enough to know that reading this might compel them to want to go buy me some hot new lip gloss shade for Summer 2011 or something and ship it over to me. Really, it's ok. You don't have to do that. But I appreciate you for wanting to.

Love yall!

You Hold Me Now

I love those times, especially during corporate worship, when you get so into what you are doing (worshiping God) that you completely forget about where you are and that there are people around you. It doesn't happen as frequently as I would like, but when it does, it's like a little slice of heaven. I sense God's presence right there with me and I forget about every care or worry.

This was happening a couple weeks ago at church when they started to play " You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong. I was overcome by the awareness that the joy and peace I feel in those times, were things that my brother Dean in heaven has all.the.time. As I sang the words, I cried like a baby. I realized, with more revelation than ever before, that although I missed him here and would love to have him back, there is no way he would want to stop what he was doing to return!

So, as I think about him today on his birthday, my joy is fuller than ever. He has the best present he could ever receive, being in the arms of His creator with all the blessings of heaven.

Then, of course, it leads me to think about the many people I see everyday who have no hope of heaven since they have never heard the name of Jesus. And it compels us on to live this life God has called us to with even more passion. The reward of helping people get into heaven is almost as glorious as heaven itself.

Take some time to listen to this song I am speaking of...You Hold Me Now.

Our Wedding...10 Years Ago

John and I met a month before I graduated Bible School. His roommate was dating my roommate and by the end of the summer we had switched roommates! :) It was a whirlwind of wonderful. We went from friends to courting in 10 days.We were married less than 7 months later.

Our wedding day was unique, to many it was completely weird. I didn't care much about most of the things a bride would typically care about. So, it was simple in that regard. But it was focused on the things that were important to us. Here are some of the symbolic aspects we highlighted in our wedding ceremony.

* We had an open invitation, anyone who wanted to be there...we wanted them to be there. (The Parable of the Wedding Banquet)

* I had five bridesmaids who carried oil lamps. (The Parable of the Virgins)

* Before I walked down the isle, our friend blew the shofar. I walked out to a Celtic version of "Our God is an Awesome God". (Sound of the Trumpet)

* I choose to wear my veil through the whole ceremony. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

* We had a long time where we worshiped God together. For a moment, one could forget that it was a wedding. It really was about Him.

* After lighting the Unity Candle together, I lit a candle and gave it to John's mom and John lit a candle and gave it to my mom, showing how us coming together was going to bring light to both of our families...and it has.

* We had special friends (husband/wife) sing a song that they had co-wrote for another couple years earlier. It was through that experience of writing this particular song that they themselves fell in love. :) It was a blessing to have them sing that for us.

* We had a foot washing ceremony. (John 13) Also, in some cultures, foot washing is a way to welcome someone into your home after a long journey where their feet may have got dirty. Our friend who introduced that part of the ceremony is now a fellow missionary in Thailand... but ten years ago this was all unforeseen.

* We had leaders come lay hands on us to pray and prophesy over us, our marriage, future family, and ministry.

* Once we were announced as Mr. & Mrs. Lambert, we purposely began our journey as husband and wife by walking out of the sanctuary to "Ask and I Will Give You the Nations". We have always known we were foreign missions bound...yet it still took almost 8 years...

So, just so you know, John and I have always been a little weird, as in different from others and we have never really stopped. But we are ok with that. :)

Some things I remember about that day... 1)my something blue were my baby blue bottomed flip flops with sparkly white beads on top. (It was June in Florida) 2) The look on John's sister's friends faces during the ceremony. One of them was a wedding coordinator and I promise, she had never seen anything like it! :) 3)During the reception, my nephew Jordan who was around 13 got his braces snagged on my veil. :) 4)In all the chaos, the bubbles that Aunt Tina got for me never made it in the hands of the guests before we left the church. :(

I remember getting back from our honeymoon to find that many of our friends who were dating had broke up. They saw that we had something they didn't have. Only some of them were reunited and married. Not exactly what we intended to have happen, but God used it.

One of my favorite memories of my wedding, I mean, other than actually becoming Mrs. Lambert, was the special memory I made with my brother Dean. My baby brother Dean represented our family and walked me down the isle that day. The pictures, both serious and funny, from that day are some of my favorites ever. I miss him.

So, it's been ten years, 2 kids, and half a world away from our starting place and we are finally doing what has been in our hearts to do since the beginning!! We are blessed, happy, and fulfilled.

Thank you to all those who have blessed us along the way.

Parenting on the Mission Field

Parenting is hard and cross cultural life is hard, put the two together and...well, it keeps me on my knees. Both of these things are so important, way too important to mess up. Lives and futures (of our children and of Thai people) are dependent on our successful management. It takes frequent checks, many adjustments and lots of balance.

Our goal is that after the children are raised, that not only do they NOT hate ministry but that they can look back with wonderful memories and perhaps one day choose it for themselves! That would be ultimate success. God help us achieve that.

If John and I were here on the mission field alone, we could be more adventurous and make different choices. But we aren't. We have two little ones by our side looking to us for their daily needs, But we know we are preparing them for a future as well. Their education, socialization, character development is all happening now while we are away from America and its comforts (and education system), away from an extended family and support system. It's a huge responsibility.

It has caused us to make certain decisions, like move to another city, put the children in bilingual school, go to an international church, etc. We are aware that this is a delicate balancing act.

Maybe we would have been too self reliant in our own abilities as a missionary, or too over confident in our ability to parent. God knew what He was doing when He combined the two. The two biggest blessings in our life when put together create the biggest challenge. It only causes us to need Him and trust Him more and more.

Forever Surprised.

Recently, I received a surprising email from a member of my family that I haven't spoken to in years. It went something like this...

"First of all, I need to apologize for the way I have treated you in the past...I used to be a radical Christian but I had fallen away from God... just recently I came back to God and I have been reading the Bible and praying 24/7...You and John have been popping up in my mind and I need your forgiveness to move on with the Lord...You are my sister in Christ and we need to love each other as Christ loves us! Hope all is well I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND JOHN! Love your brother in Christ."

WOW! I was speechless. I kept reading it over and over with a big smile on my face and tears in my eyes. My heart was so full and I walked around all day in near disbelief at the thought of it. Crazy wonderful. It stuck on me for the days after, a feeling of blessed-ness.

I remember the turmoil my heart faced at the thought of leaving my family in America in the state that it was in. Radically obeying God, selling everything and moving with God was the easy part. Leaving my family who was (many of them) without God...that's where it got hard.

But I am simply awe struck at God and His working and speed of delivery when it comes to my extended family in the states! In the last two years, I have had miraculous answers to prayer regarding my family. My parents have been remarried after being divorced for 8 years, prodigal sons have returned home, we have seen real estate breakthoughs, etc. It's really been pretty amazing.

Deep in my heart, I just sense God's pleasure in us (me, John, Brayden, and Aslan) We have heard His heart for the unreached people of Thailand and responded. And during that very same time, God has heard our heart for the ones we love back in America and God too has responded...in some really big ways. He takes care of what concerns us when we take care of what concerns Him. I just love being teamed up with God! (sigh)

Even after all this time, and after all the things God has showed me about who He is and what He can do, I still find myself "surprised" when He acts accordingly. You would think that I would know by now that my Abba is the Creator of the Universe and He does these things for me!" :) It's like my latest revelation of who He is surpasses my current knowledge of Him and therefore, I will be forever surprised.

Four Years is Too Long

This weekend marks 4 years since the death of my brother Dean. I just hate that it has been soon long without him. Four years is the length of a high school or college career. My son, Aslan is four now and he has never met his Uncle Dean. I don't know that time ever heals this kind of loss.

And as time goes by, I get scared that I will forget the sound of Dean's voice. I have tons of pictures to help me remember his face but nothing to help me remember his voice. Right now, I still can hear him calling my name in my head. I hope I never forget that.

You know what I regret? I regret that Friday night when my mom was in my living room on the phone with Dean, she asked if I wanted to say hi. And guess what I said? I said, "I'm washing dishes, let me call him back." -What??? (how foolish!) That could have been my last time to hear his voice and I choose to wash dishes. Oh, how I hate that! I so wish I had stopped what I was doing to talk with him.

That's something I have been trying to work on. Especially here in Thailand, I can easily be a "Martha", and get busy doing life stuff that I miss out on being a "Mary", the one who chooses to enjoy people. It's hard though, when life stuff is harder here (no dishwasher, no dryer, floors that need continual mopping, and no domestic helper). But I am ever working on being aware of times when I need to stop my busyness and be a "Mary" and see people as the event instead of a distraction.

No doubt, people and relationships are the most important things in life. I miss my baby brother, my boys miss knowing their Uncle Dean. God help me focus on people while they are still here.

Four years, is already too long.

My Favorite Time of Day

My favorite moments are once everyone is sent off to school or work. It's just me in my pj's (still) sippin the last half of my coffee. Knowing that I am all alone for a short time, I hurry up and put on some worship LOUD, to drown out my off key singing even from myself. Sometimes I mop the floors and do house stuff and other times I just get caught up in feeling God's presence. Singing, praying, crying, standing, sitting, kneeling....in my pajamas sometimes next to a mop and a bucket. It's only a sight God could love.  It's been really great and I have been kind of jealous over that time. If John is running late and is still home during what should be "my time", I get a bit irritable. I am almost like kicking him out the door. :)


Here are just a few of the things God gave me today.

I felt so humbled that I could be anywhere in the world living in the consequences of my poor choices, but instead I was here. I was just amazed at the amazingness of God. In the truest sense of that word "amazing", unlike how it is overused nowadays.

After feeling so loved and accepted in His presence, I felt so sad for others who do not get to have that, because I know that they have that need, desire and longing. All their choices in life prove that they are seeking for that ultimately. But they settle for lesser things, lesser lovers and are always left continuously unfulfilled. Since blatant outward idol worship is so so common and visible here, it's even more obvious.

Then I think about the scripture that fuels the mandate of our lives. With His Blood he has purchased man for God from every tribe and nation. Then I feel this sense of injustice and it creates a drive in me to go reclaim the souls that are rightfully belonging to God already. Knowing that John is on the streets evangelizing at the same moment, I pray into whatever situation he is in believing for God's blessing on it because I know He wants it more than we do.

I am thankful that we have hit a season now where I feel more in my role, right, and responsibility to be the intercessor over our family and the work God's doing. In other seasons,  with language lessons, homeschooling, and John working all inside the small house, those important times of prayer weren't happening with freedom, fervor or frequency. 

I am feeling a shifting in the spirit. We are all set up and adjusted and completely focused now. I am believing that as the years as days, we are entering in to our 3rd day and we are expecting God to do big, powerful, resurrecting, glorious things.

Thanks for loving, encouraging, giving and praying. You share in all the fruit.of the work. God bless you.

"Rest" of the New Year

I am writing this now from the beach of Koh Chang, Thailand. A vacation for us is such a rare beautiful event that I want to write about it to make the memory last longer.

If any of you know my husband well, you know that he is not one to sit still long. He works sometimes what seems like non-stop and holds himself to some goals that are a bit lofty at times. Since we have been here (now almost 2 years) when asked John will say..."Vacation? What? I am not taking a vacation until I can speak Thai fluently!" Well, he has been going out evangelizing on the streets of our city at 4:30am 3 times a week meeting with prostitutes, pimps, and drug dealers. He has been using his Thai language in ways that has really stretched him, even interpreting for other English speakers. I think maybe he realized that he has achieved one of his goals (although he knows language learning is an ongoing process).

So, when the COC (Christian Outreach Centre) offices closed for the holiday break, and the boys had off school for the holiday break, my prayers for John to give himself some rest were answered when he surprised me and decided suddenly we would go away for a few days. I was given only about 3 hours to pack all of us up and get the house in order for some houseguest to stay while we were gone. It was crazy but wonderful. I really love spontaneity. It's such a really nice interruption to my well-planned same day routine.

The travel to arrive in Koh Chang was around 20 hours long. Started by car to a central location, then on to a songtaew (the back of a pick up truck), then on to an 11 hour overnight bus to Bangkok, to an 6 hour shuttle van to a port city, then a ferry ride to the Island and then another songtaew ride to a place to stay. We felt a bit like Mary and Joseph because there seemed to be no room at the Inn. Thankfully we found something before we ended up spending the night in a manger. It was all quite exhausting, but well worth it!

Our first night we realized we were over charged for a place that was away from the beach. So we changed locations to a "beachside bungalow". Sounds wonderful, huh? (Our experience kind of reminds me of that one commercial, maybe you remember it.) But do not be confused by the word "beachside".  Our quick decision and a limited budget on a well traveled week got us a "place to stay" but that's about it. We are sleeping 4 to a bed that is about 20 years old. John calls it a "torture device".  :) The room has a fan, a toilet that flushes when you pour water into it from the bucket, and cold water to bucket bathe with. :)

BUT....we are on a beautiful white sand beach with water like a magazine ad! We float on the water with a raft until all we can see is our toes poking through the horizon line of the sky and the limitless ocean. And to look back at the view of the mountains on the island...well...wow.  Brayden has been like a a fish swimming with fish in the water from sun up to sun down and Aslan has been playing in the sand. In the evenings, we watch the crazy performances with people breathing, twirling, spinning, and throwing fire on the beach. It's been a lot of fun.

Although today is our last day of vacation, I am happy that we spent the first day of this new year with some rest. Looking back over our last few years, we have had quite a long time of transitioning. We have been preparing and adjusting to new cultures, countries, and then lately a new city. The word "rest" has not been an overarching theme during all that time.

In 2011, John and I will both turn 35! Be married 10 years! And will have an 8 and 5 year old! And be on the mission field 2 years! Just amazed at how time is quickly going by! Looking forward to all that God gives us in the "rest" of this New Year.

Today...

All of a sudden I have had a leap in my understanding of the Thai language! The accent here is more like the textbook Thai that I learned and it is so much easier to understand! I feel so smart. ;) In Isaan, the accent was strong, and for many people Thai was used as their second language. So now that I understand and can be understood better, I am a lot more talkative.

Today, I went to a store front shop to buy a special pot to make sticky rice. I had a nice chat with the owner. She was kind of impressed that I was wanting to a sticky rice pot (not all foreigners like it). I told her that I used to live in Khon Kaen with the Isaan people and that my family was used to eating it a lot. Her and I were squatting Thai style pointing at different pots laid out on a rice mat. I asked her some questions about how exactly to make the sticky rice. Soak it for how long? Put the rice in here? The water in where? For how long? etc. Then she said, "Oh, your housekeeper should know how to do it. She can show you or make it for you." I told her I didn't have a housekeeper. She looked at me funny, because it's common for foreigners and Thais alike to have domestic help.

Then she called a young girl up from the back of the store and told me that this was her housekeeper/ helper. The girl lives with her and she helps her with the house, with the children, and at the store. This girl was very young. I was surprised that it wasn't her daughter. I introduced myself and then asked her lots of questions because I was just so curious. She answered that she was only 13, from the mountains and her parents have her come and stay in the city to work. She doesn't go to school so she can help her family make money by working (uniforms are expensive). She was a very sweet girl and seemed very comfortable and happy in her arrangement. The store owner told me she could get me a helper too, if I wanted. It would only be 3500 baht a month equivalent to about $115 USD.  (no, thanks.)

When I walked out of the store, I kept going over the conversation in my mind thinking that I must have misunderstood, but I knew I didn't. I was in shock at how quickly and easily she offered to get me a young girl! I just kept thinking of all the wrong people who would take advantage in that situation. It grieved me so deeply to understand that kind of thing happens often here. A parent allows their child to go with strangers for a job and then some never return again. And all for only $115. A poor family needing money and a greedy wicked person desiring money and all at the expense of a young girl (or boy). (sigh)

The rest of my day I was heavy-hearted. I can't think too long or too hard about what goes on with my Thai people, it can be incapacitating, a burden too big to bear.

Another amazing thing about God...not only does He know all things, but He has the emotional capacity to bear EVERY burden of EVERY person. (wow) And He has a plan!

Move, Moving, Moved!

Well, we (me and boys) made it to Chiang Mai alright, minus the dozen ant bites Brayden got from riding in the crumb filled seat on the bus. John made it fine on the long drive by himself, but his earphones for his ipod hung out the door for half the trip. It's an interesting shape now after it was dragged on the road for 6 hours. The truck with our furniture made it to Chiang Mai without incident, BUT our furniture inside was tossed around and was covered with black soot from the diesel fumes.

If you had only seen my face, when I first discovered it. I kept trying not to be disappointed but I was. Every thing we own (which isn't very much) was scarred, scratched, nicked, or dented. Our refrigerator, washer, microwave, tv, entertainment center,  cabinet, and the boys bed frame were fairly new looking but that is not so now. The boys mattress is still gray from the soot. Ugh! So so frustrating. We tried to take the cheaper road by renting a truck with two drivers instead of "movers". Now we know the difference.

The house was so clean when we arrived, which is very unusual. Of course I had to put the Jacqueline wash on everything but it wasn't difficult. It's a good thing because the clean up of everything on the truck was enough work for me. There was even soot on each lego block that was inside the lego bin. Crazy!

I really like our house. It is slightly larger than our 1100 square foot home in Khon Kaen, so that's really nice. I feel like I have received a promotion with my kitchen. I have cabinets!!! And I have a four burner stove instead of two like before. I have a real oven! It's a compact/apartment size, but it's wonderful. And the refrigerator is teenage sized, instead of kid sized. Although it's nothing compared to some stainless steel grandpa's some of my American friends have, it's better than what I had, which is great to me! So, I guess I gotta cook now. Ahh, man!

We are trying to get used to our new city and people. It is very different here. John mentioned that it might be similar to a move from Alabama to California. People are inside more and busy, like America. The traffic here is crazy in the sense that it is busier, but overall it is more civil and law abiding than Khon Kaen. I see a lot more newer model cars, and less motor bikes, which makes it quieter outside our house. Never realized just how much noise motorbikes created when they were in groups. There are less food stands and more indoor restaurants. Because so few foreigners ever visited Khon Kaen, we were always stared at, here, no one seems to double take. And that's kind of nice.

Our last week with all our friends in Khon Kaen was so much fun, it really made it hard to say goodbye. We connected and bonded with the Isaan culture/people while we were there and made some really great friends. Now in a way, we need to allow ourselves to separate some so that we have room to embrace all the new things that life brings us here. Ready or not, it's now.

Although, we would love to put Brayden in school, we won't be at this time.  He is doing fine homeschooling on an academic level, but it's socially where he is struggling. When we told him we were going to be moving to Chiang Mai, he cried. He said he didn't want to leave "all" his friends. (He only had one friend). When I asked him who, he said his friends at TaeKwonDo. When I asked him their names, he said..."I don't know". It made me sad that he doesn't know enough about friendships to know the difference between friends and acquaintances.  One day, we would like to be able to put Brayden in one the international schools here. Until then, pray that God blesses him with friends.

We will be waiting to put Aslan in his school until January when the new semester begins, since it is now mid semester here. But he will be beginning his speech and occupational therapy right away. Please join us as we pray to see marked improvements quickly.

So, we did it! It's done! We are here! Even though it could have been seriously stressful, it wasn't. It was blessed and grace-filled, even despite the furniture thing. Thanks for praying. Right now, the only thing stress I feel is my back muscles from all the lifting, pushing and pulling that is unavoidable when moving.

Thanks for praying and please continue.

Blessings, Jacq

Entering A New Season

Well, I am rarely on the computer these days and when I do it's a quick stop to facebook. So I realized today that I never mentioned "it" on my blog. "It" being that...we are moving again...to Chiang Mai, Thailand, 12 hours north of here in the mountains.

This was a challenging decision for us to make. But really what was more difficult was the time just before we came to this conclusion.

As you may or may not know, our youngest son Aslan who will turn 4 in November is not yet speaking. Well, he speaks some, but typically not more than one word at a time. It's been a concern of ours for quite a while. We have reasoned it off on him having a more introverted personality, on him going through all the moves and transitions to 3 different countries, etc. We know that he hears and that he can understand, he just is not using words to communicate his needs or wants.

During our time in America, we took him to several appointments to doctors and therapists. Although no diagnosis was made, it was clear that we needed to be doing something more to help him. It was recommended that he be in at least one hour of occupational therapy and one hour of speech therapy each week. We knew none of those options were available to us in this city. So, we did what we could, which wasn't much with our limited resources. We put him in a preschool. (see the last blog post) It was a bilingual school and it was not giving him enough of what he needed. It was a strain on us financially, not to mention it was very far away.

It was so frustrating to need and to want to do something for your child that we had no ability to do. We were making a great amount of effort with very little results, and all the while, he was getting older and not progressing. Our hearts ache as parents for the simplest forms of communication from our son, the kind that gets taken for granted typically. Like asking for a drink, informing us of his need to use the bathroom, ....saying " I love you".  We have been trying to find a way to manage his tantrums when he too becomes frustrated by his own inability to express himself.  Then we second guess if he truly does understand certain things since he is not giving any feedback. The littlest things in life that should be easy haven't been...easy. It was this challenge that forced us to do the thing that we didn't want to do.

Not only did we NOT want to move,...we didn't even want to consider moving. The idea alone brought out insecurities in us; a sense of failure to not be able to make it here in this city, the overwhelm of moving again, not just to a new house, but to a city on the other side of the country, the debate of whether God wanted us to be still and trust Him for Aslan's growth or if we should be active and aggressive and get every help possible. We had a lot to consider, a lot to deal with within ourselves personally, and then had to deal with that fact that the other had their different way of dealing with it. The consideration process was exhausting. Making the decision was easier, although it took some time to get used to.

The easier part has been gaining peace about it all. Once we relented, it all happened rather quickly. Doors of opportunity opened in Chiang Mai while doors that were opened here closed rather suddenly. The timing of our lease here was ending and it was pretty clear on the when and where. I visited Chiang Mai alone and found an all English school for Aslan as well as different therapists (in English). We have none of this my current city. In Chiang Mai, I got to meet face to face with people I had only known through networking on facebook and after a few days I had more friends up there then I had ever had here! It didn't take long to see that God had a plan for US even though we thought we were going mainly for Aslan. That was very encouraging to us to know that we could do the best we could for Aslan and still be fulfilling our calling here. For some time, it seemed like the two were at odds with one another. So, it's with a sigh a relief that we are moving.

Well, we have lived here now over a year and have gone through all the startup purchases, like furniture, refrigerator, washer, etc. We aren't as light as we used to be since we have settled in some. So, this move cross country will be a different challenge for us. We will need a truck and a driver to get our things up there. I think me and the boys will be taking the overnight bus up while John delicately and carefully drives our car through the mountains. I know it's a 1995, but we have just had to put a lot of work into that car so it should be good to go. I don't really love that bus ride (see the post entitled "in all things give thanks") but I prefer that over the long car ride and dozens of "squatty potty" stops! :)

We are entering a new season, and as we know from times past, transitions can be stressful and can leave one vulnerable to an attack from the enemy. Please be praying for us in all the new things, for grace, and peace and joy AND that we see quick progress in Aslan!

We do have some mountains we are facing financially as we take on Aslan needing to be in a special school and having weekly therapy appointments. We will be speaking to that mountain/obstacle of an additional $300 a month to be removed. If you feel that you can help with this, please let us know. You can email us at spreadtheflame@hotmail.com or visit www.spreadtheflame.com.

Thank you so much for all your support. It makes a difference to have your encouragement and prayers.

Overloaded

Overloaded.

That is a good word to describe the way I have felt in this last season of life.  My daily routine changed quite a bit since we came back from America in June. I have had harder times in life then now but even then it seemed to be easier to manage. It's not that my load is necessarily heavy. It's just awkward, cumbersome, bulky, not neatly squared off in stackable, easy to handle boxes. 

One of these strangely shaped packages was sending Aslan to school. For those who do not know, we have been having concerns about Aslan's development. He is delayed in speech and socially. Ideally, we would have him in a preschool and speech therapy, but in our city there are not many resources (especially in English). We did though find a bi-lingual preschool (Thai and English)...but it is very far away, and at a not so cheap of a rate. We decided to try it for one semester to see if it would help Aslan gain some progress and help calm our concerns.

So for the last few months, I have been driving my youngest (age 3) to and from school which takes nearly an hour and a half in the morning and then another hour and a half in the afternoon. In the between times, I homeschool my oldest (age 7).  It hasn't been so easy. There have been mornings as I leave the school, Aslan is crying because he does not want to stay and Brayden is crying because he would like to stay and have friends. 

And what does a Mom do when both the boys are crying (other than cry/want to cry herself)? She gets back in the car and drives...and drives...and prays...and tries to figure out away to manage this load with more grace, more peace, and more joy. 

It's awkward in my heart to have this reversal. My oldest should be in school and my youngest should be at home with me, right? Aslan is only 3, he is the one I want home with me. Brayden is 7 and longs for friends and no matter how hard I try I can never be Brayden's peer. In addition, when we bought this 1995 car, we never intended to use it for this much driving. How can this possibly be a long term solution? Is it a solution at all, it if is only causing more problems?

On my long contemplative rides home, I see the craziest of things around me. I say sometimes that I feel like I live on the back cover of a Highlights magazine. You would think that I would be used to some of these sites by now. It shouldn't cause me to gasp or sigh or get nervous when I drive behind them, right?...but it still does. It also puts some perspective on carrying some awkward, cumbersome loads. So while I may feel overloaded, these are some true overloads. Whenever I see some of this, I think my friends in America would never understand unless they saw for themselves. So be entertained.

That's not overloaded. Look, it fits. 

If we can get through the underpass, we are not overloaded.

. 

If we had people sitting on these stacked chairs, and then had no more room, we would be overloaded.

Duck! Power lines at 12 o'clock. Close to being overloaded.

Hmm, I wonder what kind of work they do.

Comfortable seats on the smooth roads. haha

Solo Trip to Chiang Mai

I really did need the break and it was John's mid semester break from language class, so if there was ever to be a time where I could get away it was then.

Chiang Mai is in the mountains a bit cooler and more developed than our city. I would often hear people saying great things about it but I always wanted to have a first hand experience.

This was my first time going away alone. I never even left the boys with John and traveled in America. But I chose to do it here Thailand? Did I forget that I am limited in the Thai language area? I was a little nervous about it all at first. The overnight bus ride. Getting around the city with public transportation. But it all turned out better than great.

I decided rather suddenly to go, so I didn't arrange appointments until the very last second, but everything fell into line. The right people were available at the right time which made it a very productive trip. John had been to Chiang Mai in January and had met some key contacts. So I while I was in town, I met with them myself.

One was a speech therapist. I met with her and talked about the help we needed with Aslan.  She is also an American missionary wife and was very helpful in getting me some resources. 

I also met with an Australian couple that has an outreach center there. Amazing how you can go from never meeting someone to understanding their heart and vision over lunch and coffee.

The morning of my last day a "friend" (from facebook) called me. She is a friend of a friend who lives in Chiang Mai. My friend connected us awhile back knowing that we were both moving to Thailand as missionaries. Jana and I  have communicated on facebook some, but we had never "met".. We went out to dinner together and had an absolute blast. She was so funny. We had so much we wanted to say to one another. Who we were. What brought us here. What we are doing now What our plans were for the future. After four hours of chatting, it felt like we just broke the surface. Turns out that my new friend knows my pastor from New Jersey. They worked together years ago. I loved sharing with her that he was the one that remarried my parents. :) It is such a small world.

Since I had no way to get around the city, I had to take a tuktuk to go anywhere. The first driver was eager to help me get everywhere I wanted to go. Between his broken English, my broken Thai, charades, and pointing at a map, we communicated just fine. He must have said 50 times, "Jackie call Ae.  Ae...5 minutes, 5 minutes, ok? ok." He was one of the most energetic Thai people I have ever met. I am sure he loved having the constant business, and for me, I loved having the same driver knowing that I could communicate what I needed.

While in Chiang Mai, I enjoyed some of it's western restaurants. I got to have Mexican, Lebanese, and Italian...all of which we do not have in Khon Kaen! The only thing that seemed to be missing in my getaway, was a friend to hang with. But it was good for me to go alone on this trip, to break me out of my mold and comfort zones, to fumble around in my Thai, make mistakes and laugh while people laugh at me.

Sheesh, three days away and I have days of  backed up laundry. With consistent rainy days and no dryer, my kitchen table and chairs have become another drying rack. But I am handling it all well since I am so refreshed from the break!

In everything give thanks ;)

While John was back home playing Mr. Mom and growing in his appreciation for me, I went to Chiang Mai alone. This was my very first time traveling by myself. That 13 hour overnight bus ride was long and very uncomfortable. I am so glad the children were not there. There were though, a number of others things that I also felt gratitude for. Here are some of my thoughts.

Thank you Thai guy for smoking that whole pack of cigarettes 15 minutes before getting on the bus. I really enjoyed how when sat next to me, you slept with arms like a chicken and legs like a frog making sure I was as comfortable as possible.

Thank you Vitamin C chewables for allowing me to snack on you while bringing me mental comfort thinking that you were helping my immune system in this stuffy, sniffley, cough filled air.

Old creepy foreign man, I am suspicious of your intention toward my people. So I really appreciate you speaking to me. I "loved" how it associated me with you..

Thank you, Thank you to my fellow Thai bus mates. The look on your faces when you saw the "unique"meal set before us at the rest stop proved to me that I did not need to go native and eat it either. When in doubt, just eat the rice.

Thank you to the sweet Thai mom who provided her four small boys with snacks for the road. Your choice of squid and other fish assortments created a "wonderful" aromatherapy once combined with the others smells coming from those who DID choose to eat the questionable sausage and cabbage combo from the rest stop.

And to Isaan Tours, none of this could have been possible if it wasn't for you. Thank you for the safe...and slow...and loud bus ride through the mountains of North Thailand. " I think I can, I think I can." ...I am glad you finally did.

Also, I really enjoyed the Thai Karaoke videos. But I do have a question.Why does each one have the same theme? A guy falls out of love with his wife. He speaks to his new flame on his cell phone in front of his wife while they are working in the rice field. While she is harvesting rice, she recalls how her husband used to nurse her burnt hands when she injured them from serving him his hot soup, but now when she slices her hand on a sickle, he doesn't care at all,...but continues to talk to his girlfriend on the cell phone! And why...why do they always seem to end with him walking out on her while she chases after him, falls to the ground and begs him to stay?

Although these "thank yous" are sacrastic nature, let it be unmistakenly clear just how truly thankful I really am to have a few days to myself exploring a new and fun city while my husband plays Mr. Mom...and grows in his appreciation toward me. Oh, yeah, I think I mentioned that already. :)

Hey Mom...

I am homeschooling Brayden during the day and it's been a bit of a challenge. He is fidgety and restless (like he has ants in his pants). He doesn't have self control over his body. He is all over the place which has made sitting down for school harder. He is very bright but it's just been hard to get what is on his mind down on to paper.

He is a constant thinker. His mind is always going a mile a minute. From sun up to sun down, he asks of the strangest random questions...and he expects me to have a detailed scientific answer for every one. All in the course of one day, these are the questions he has asked me.

Hey Mom, what is the FBI? What is the CIA? Then what to swat teams do?

Hey Mom, how do they slaughter animals in Thailand? Is it different than how we do it in America? Well, how do they do it in America?

Hey Mom, if a person drank nothing but Mountain Dew all day long, would they get dehydrated? How many day would it take them to get dehydrated? Mountain Dew has caffeine in it, right?

Hey Mom, Tin is a metal, right? Why is it softer than other metals? Can you melt it? Ok. What temperature do you need to melt it? Can you melt tin foil? Can we try that when we get home? Well, if tin i a metal, why would they wrap potatoes in tin foil and put them on the grill?

Hey Mom, If a person got shot would they die? What if they got shot in the leg? The arm? The belly?

Hey Mom, Which Nerf gun do you like more? No, really which is your favorite? Which one would you want to buy and play with?

Hey Mom, Why do men have nipples? They don't need them right? The girls have to do all that milking stuff. Maybe God just thought it would look good, is that what you think?

Hey Mom, Can I have a snack? (Moments later) Hey Mom, Can I have another snack?

Hey Mom, Can we set up a booth the sell stuff at the lake?

Hey Mom, How much should I charge for this necklace?

Hey Mom, Can I be done with school work? Then can I do daydream now?

Hey Mom, What do you want me to be when I grow up?

I love that he has all this mental energy but somedays I can't keep up. I know being inquisitive and extremely social are a good things, soI don't want to discourage him. But I did though have to ask him today to give me half hour of silence because I was "Hey Mom"-ed out, but he just couldn't. :) I may need to change my approach to teaching him to the "unschooled" method (and that really does exist). I wish he could be at school to have other friends to talk to other than me all day. Ha, it would take a special teacher to manage Brayden and a class full of other students.  I love my Brayden for who he is. I just wonder where he gets it from.